Christina's Story
***************Everything in this story is
Allegedly True and
Allegedly written by Christina
Johnson Personally******************************Everything in this story is
Allegedly True and
Allegedly written by Christina
Johnson Personally******************************Everything in this story is
Allegedly True and
Allegedly written by Christina
Johnson Personally***************PublicistsPubl
Publicists, Agents, Magazines, News Reporters, etc, Please contact Christina if you would like to help her story reach the media.
***************Everything in this story is Allegedly True and Allegedly written by Christina Johnson Personally***************
Hello everyone, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Christina Johnson, I am 24 years old, and I am a surviving victim
of sexual abuse. Please take your time when reading my story as it is quite lengthy, and I thank you for reading.
A short brief about my success in
Taekwondo:
I trained in martial arts and competed in Tae Kwon Do nationally and internationally, I was an Olympic Hopeful who placed 3rd at the Olympic Team Trials in 2007 for the 2008 Olympic Team. I was sexually abused by 3 different Coaches in my Sport including statutory rape at 14-15 years old from the second school I had attended, onto molestation at 15-16 by the next coach at the next school, and then into a manipulative relationship from 16(ish) which turned sexual at 18 with the next coach who I trusted with everything, resulting in stalking me when I wanted to move on with my life at 19 - He made the first move after I confided in him about the other 2 coaches.
Here are a couple of articles on me that were in the paper while I was in the height of my career if you are interested in reading them:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/02/AR2006070200745.html
http://ww2.gazette.net/stories/080807/rockspo223436_32358.shtml
I'm sure many have seen this video, unfortunately it is the only video of me fighting online that was posted by someone else in 2009, but I'm still proud of it ;) for those of you who don't know me, I am in Red. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQ4iet-XYso Yes, they should have scored that back kick =P
Here is My Story:
Since the age of 4 I had wanted to “learn karate” and win the Gold at the Olympics, all because of my favorite TV show,
The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. My mother told me I was too young but if I still wanted to do it in a few years she would enroll me. 3 years later when I was 7, after nagging my mom as all kids with inspiration do, she enrolled me in a local Tang Soo Do School, that my best friend was attending. I was determined and I grew as a martial artist and received my 1st degree black belt at age 11. I also loved softball and soccer, and skateboarding, bmx, roller blades, and scooters or basically anything else with wheels that you can do tricks on, but martial arts seemed to be what I was best at. I was always the tom boy in school.. I look back at my little self now and see a pretty little girl, who had some guts. I always hung out with the boys at recess playing football, soccer, and anything else. I was just always tough enough to hang with the athletic kids and always had normal friendships with the opposite sex. I emphasize this now because of how you will see my life unravel in this story.
After 6 years of being with my first local Martial Arts school in Absecon, New Jersey, at age 13/14, it was time to move on
to a more “elite” school who had more experience to help me grow as an athlete and who wasn’t teaching classes that had nothing to do with Sport Taekwondo. My parents brought me to the next closest “elite” school we knew of 45 minutes away in Voorhees, New Jersey. Meanwhile, the coach from Absecon (let’s call him MS) began to stalk me and my family as soon as we left. He never touched me sexually, but I know of a story where he allegedly abused someone else, and I had felt a few vibes when I was alone with him at age 12-13, but thankfully nothing ever happened. But what did happen was he started to call all the local schools and request them not to take me (I’m assuming so I had nowhere else to go so I had to come back?) He forced my friends to stop speaking to me, he called our house a lot and he called my new coach 19 times in one weekend, and also typed up a long letter with a sentimental tone and it was delivered to me in school by my friend who was still training there, along with my plaque that the black belts held on the school wall with our name and pictures. I read it in health class, then brought it home and showed it to my parents of course. I remember an “amusing” moment when my mom called it “a mean sandwich” because it started off sentimental then the tone changed to mean and angry and then he ended it in a sentimental tone again, or the other way around I can’t quite remember. Regardless, it wasn’t something a 13/14 year old girl should be receiving from a grown man, especially in school. Another weird situation in this event was after we left he read off a letter to my new coach that I had previously written to him – it was a school assignment. We were to write to a teacher of our choice to explain how they inspired us. So I chose to write to my Martial Arts instructor. He ended up speaking to my new coach within those 19 phone calls and told him how he was currently in the woods hunting as he did on occasion, when he started reading off my letter for whatever reason he felt was necessary I guess. Meaning he had my letter in the woods? So at that point we got pretty creeped out, and since I was only 13 or 14 at the time, my parents went to the prosecutors for me and mediated an order of protection for him to stay out of contact with me and my family. He actually just recently reached out to me on Facebook and I saw his intentions from a mile away as I do with my intuition of men nowadays, and told him off and to not contact me anymore. He kept replying to each “don’t reply” so I just never even bothered to read his last message because I knew he was trying to compel me to reply back and forth. I wasn’t even going to mention him in this story since he never touched me and I have a lack of memory about a lot of what happened during this time, but the fact that he had the audacity to contact me in a “supportive” and to me obviously manipulative tone, after those actions, after reading my story and after him having done what he has to other people allegedly – being the type of person he is, I was extremely offended and felt very disrespected, I kind of felt attacked to be honest. So I’m including it now… Good job buddy, you dug yourself a hole.
So I ended up training 1 on 1, days at a time, with the new coach in Voorhees, NJ alone (let’s call him BL.) BL saw allegedly that I had a crush on him and knew I was a virgin when we first had sexual intercourse when I was age 15. This man was 36, he first kissed me when I was 14 years old. I was just gaining my bearings in Taekwondo and starting to do real well as a higher level athlete. At the time I thought I was in love, and that I was special, but I had no idea what love was or what I wanted. Not only did I lose my virginity to one of the worst people I could have, but I was treated extremely poorly, and had not realized how badly I was treated until I grew older and left all of the manipulative situations I was in. BL (I didn’t learn until recently) had sexual, drug and alcohol addictions, and little did I know, I was constantly around drugs and alcohol, and someone who was impaired and on them and off them withdrawing. He was engaged to a 24 year old at the time (I realize which is my age now, and can understand what she must have felt suspecting/learning this) and was still having sex with parents of students he taught in the school. He would have sex with his ex-girlfriend who also trained/taught at the school, right next door in the next hotel room from me at competitions – a place where I should be focusing, and he didn’t care that I knew, and would come next door the next day and have ex with me. Actually, looking back, there was a time, now this is pretty disturbing – my parents could barely afford what we were paying at the time for normal practices as it was plus the private lessons, my dad was working overtime to pay for the private lessons, and after we had already been having sex instead of training 3x a day for 3 days a week, he told my parents he needed to UP the price of the lessons monthly. I think he increased it by at least $100 or so monthly. I had no idea what for since he wasn’t even training me. If I ever trained it was with another man he brought in to practice with me – no one else ever touched me, but he trusted men alone with me so he didn’t have to get out of bed. I’ve always felt the guilt of never saying anything, which is unfair because at 14 you don’t know and shouldn’t be put into the position to feel that guilt, ever. This was really hard for me to not say anything about because I didn’t want to hurt him then. My mom got mad later on when I told her I knew and I didn’t tell her. So he bloodied my nose and beat me against the wall in practice - He hid behind his awards to allow people to think he was good at his skill. He possessed skill but only that of a 36 year old man over a 14 year old girl. I thought love was allowing the man you care for to use you because you want him to be happy and care for you, and to get what he wants, because getting what he wants makes him happy, in a manipulative state - that is your only goal. But he just used me for his own satisfaction and I didn't even have a full sex drive yet, actually, I had never even experimented with myself by this time, my first sexual experience EVER was with this man, and I wasn't even treated well at the least (except my first kiss at 12/13 which I am thankful I was able to grasp under my control before he took that from me too) - but at the time I thought I was special and thought the way I was talked to and treated was just normal, until I experienced love as it truly is with my boyfriend now. Now looking back at this, this man shouldn’t even be with a grown woman, let alone have the influence or ability to touch a 14 year old girl, regardless if she thinks she wants it or not. After learning this, for 3 years literally every night before bed I prayed that I did not contract HIV from him because of the large number of women I learned he was with unprotected. I had gotten tested once I was 18 and found I was fine and I did not have HIV. -Allegedly
I was halfway to 16 years old when he just got so bad with his issues that we had to leave. We didn’t know what they were at the time, all we knew was he stopped showing up to class and training and canceled all the time and we were paying for nothing. So we went to the next closest elite school in the area which was 3 hours away in Maryland. Long and behold, this man (let’s call him RL) started to molest me at 16 years old, touching me over and underneath clothing. Mainly inappropriate touching and flirting on his part would occur, pressing up against me with himself in areas, providing lotion on bare skin massages where he would penetrate me with his finger and feel my entire bare breasts. I cannot speak for the others as far as exactly what they experienced, but I cannot imagine it being much different from what he did to me. I was not alone and many others have gone through the same types of things with the same person when I was there, and I learned later of even worse stories about him and prior minor female students. None of us knew what to do. So while I was being molested I said nothing, I thought I had to keep my mouth shut to be successful, because of how he made me respect him so highly as a coach, I thought I could not succeed without him, and there is a part of him that makes you think you can enjoy it, which now sickens me. There were conversations between me and other girls from this school every once in a while about how we didn’t know if he knew what he was doing, because of this man’s nature, he played it very slick, and flirty but friendly acceptable, and naïve. “Does he know what he’s touching?” we asked ourselves, “no way, he must just be
stupid or inexperienced, there’s no way.” We would answer. RL was 38 married and about to have a baby/had a baby while we were there.
Realizing there was another coach training students at this school (let’s call him SD,) who could take me to an elite level in the school and probably wouldn’t touch me, I asked to train with him and have him coach me, until the point where I was mainly “his student” and not so much the one who was molesting me. At a national event, one of my very close girlfriends’ at the school came to me and another girlfriend to tell us about how she can’t hold it in anymore and she needed to tell someone. She told us about his inappropriate behavior, similar to my experiences with him. We ended up at home, telling our parents, and went to the prosecutor’s office. He was never arrested on account there was not enough evidence and it was our word against his. Although he was arrested while we were there training in Maryland by a charge a brave student filed who was with us for a short period. Unfortunately the manipulation he had over everyone led us to just stay there until eventually we all came out ourselves. After leaving that school, I had to see this person again at a competition, and SD who was supposed to be protecting me, easily went over to him and talked to him like they were besties, and he continued to speak with him on the phone until I expressed extreme distraught and anxiety over it. RL later on, a few years ago after losing many of his students to these allegations, allegedly fled to his home country in Egypt, where he now resides and continues to teach young girls in Tae Kwon Do. I believe he still may attend international competitions.
SD who I mentioned earlier, turned to taking over training and coaching me, took us all temporarily and trained us for free. He first kissed me when I just turned 18, and there were many flirtatious times before I ever turned 18 with him. After I told him about the details of both previous coaches, he made the first move shortly after. He knew my background. While SD was 59 and “oh so smart” to see the vulnerability in me... Yes, I had feelings for him from a long time manipulation; he saved me from the 2 big bad men who hurt me before. He had me winning and being successful, I trusted him with everything, he bought me things, I thought I was being treated like I hadn’t before, as I did with the previous 2 mistakenly. SD was married, I believe 40 years, and had 2 daughters older than me or around my age. I thought I loved this man too, after being with him a year, I ended up in the crisis center 2 times with emotional distress and hopelessness, and put on medications for depression and anxiety. I remember a time when I was on a competition trip with a national team in Serbia and all of us athletes went to a dance club and I started having a normal fun time with my buddies dancing – but it lasted about 5 minutes when he came over and freaked out on me for dancing with people and doing something he couldn’t be involved in, so I didn’t get to go back in and have any more fun with the team. Instead we had a big fight, and he disrespected me by trying to make me jealous by telling stories about other women and things. I didn’t know who was right or who was wrong because inside I felt “but you’re married, how can you tell me I can’t even dance with someone?” I
realized I did not love him when he showed his true colors as a stalker and harasser, I surprised myself when I got over him very quickly and easily, ready to move on with my youth that I had not yet experienced at age 19. He started stalking me and not leaving me alone when I refused to take him back after breaking up with me to save his business from his divorce. He told me he couldn’t lose his house and his business for a divorce to be with me. So I told him I wouldn’t take him back for the third time if he called again, and I didn’t 2 weeks later when he tried. I now have a restraining order on him and he was
convicted of stalking and harassment. I reported him to the Taekwondo organization and they suspended him temporarily. After 2 years, oddly enough after I was injured and wouldn’t be competing for a while, he was reinstated and
still attends competitions. Oh he was also an Olympic Referee. Allegedly.
So I thought I was ok to live life at the point when we “broke up,” I got a job at a pet store to work with dogs because I love working with animals, and had a boyfriend my age who was normal. I was still living at home and got a dog from the pet store. But, things spiraled downhill very fast when our family felt the stress of the restraining order during this. My boyfriend and I at the time broke up after 6 months on normal terms. SD stalked me and harassed me to no understandable degree. He threatened to post nude photos of me that I had been asked to send to him and had, over the course of time we were involved. He promised he’d delete them. I realized he obviously didn’t since a stack of printed naked pictures of me were slammed on the table in front of me at my deposition. I looked at these pictures as requested by the defendants to verify it was me – I saw this really young, really hurt and vulnerable girl, I didn’t see me like I see myself today. I felt like I was looking at someone else’s pictures, like if I had a little sister – I did not look like I was enjoying myself whatsoever in the photos, I thought "how could a man be ok with this when using them for his benefit with this obvious look on my face.. naked..? "So – he threatened in an email to my mom that he would blast my naked pictures over the internet and through our teams email group (for practice updates etc. – which also had minors’ emails involved in this group as many of the athletes at the school were still juniors) if she did not tell his wife that she lied when his wife called up my mom asking for the truth, in that email included an image of me in my underwear, in the message it said in the next email the clothes would come off. He then tried to apologize 2 weeks later begging for me back once again, I had emailed him and told him I wanted to move on with my life and to not contact me anymore. So he sent me flowers, kept trying to call me but my mom held onto my phone, and he started calling my best friend at her job – He only knew she worked at a Wawa and her name, so he found the Wawa to call and called her twice, once after she told him I wanted nothing to do with him and to not call her back. He told her he was offering me a house and money and anything I wanted, but I wanted nothing to do with him. He also Facebooked my ex-boyfriend as soon as we broke up. Which was about 6 months after the stalking began. The stalking went on for years because he appealed the first restraining order and won on a very strange technicality that the “threats” of the photo were to my mom and not directly to me.
Here is public record of some of the incident(s) mentioned, both links lead to the same record:
http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/mcs/case_law/cj_v_sd.pdf
http://www.leagle.com/decision/in%20njco%2020100809178
So I had to wait again until he harassed me enough and I gathered enough evidence to go file at the police station again. He started to call me on my cell phone which he somehow got ahold of my new number, but by disguising his number as my dad or moms. So when he would call it would come up “mom” or “dad” so I would answer because I screened all of my calls. The first time this happened I got really scared I though he had my dad held hostage or hurt and was calling from his phone. But I quickly called my parents and they were both fine. One time “dad” was calling when I was with both of my parents, so I answered without speaking on speakerphone which allowed him to talk, so my mom was a witness of that fraudulent call. He later on admitted on the stand during the restraining order court dates, he used a spoof card online which is supposed to be used for pranks. Then I was granted a second final restraining order which is still in effect and will be forever. Here is public record of the second restraining order.
http://law.justia.com/cases/new-jersey/appellate-division-unpublished/2012/a2611-10.html
For the longest time I was very scared for my family, and then my grandmother and cat when I continued to live with them alone, he would slowly drive up and down my street in New Jersey, and he lives in Maryland. I had sleep medication I was prescribed to take but I was afraid to take it because I didn't want to fall into too deep of a sleep incase SD decided to come in one night, which thankfully never happened. I will admit I even asked my granny to sleep in my bed with me a few nights. But he was stripped of his gun license and collection when he was convicted of stalking, which makes me feel much safer now. Allegedly.
My parents then moved out together because my grandmother owned the house and she basically told my mom to get out if she wasn’t going to start acting like a parent and stop fighting with everyone all the time, and my dad without questioning followed her. And my grandmother and I stayed where we were together for as long as she could support us on her social security, but we had a 4 bedroom house and had already been through bankruptcies, so it didn’t last too long.
Here is the story of the last day we lived together as a family. When things were getting real bad, this is the event that
ended with my parents moving out that night, I wanted to go on a date when I was single with a guy who had asked me out, after first meeting me for the first time while I was with my family out to dinner, including my Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt, before he had asked me out, mentioned I should go out with him because he was funny, he was closer to my age - I believe 28, since the restraining order with the 60 year old, and he just seemed normal. So he later on asked me out to go to Chickie’s N Pete’s, he was a radio show host and had a show at that Sports Bar Restaurant that night so he invited me over. I was in the shower getting ready for my date when my mom came in and demanded to know where I was going and with whom. I told her, and she refused me to go because it was “a bar” and I wasn’t 21 yet (it’s a restaurant with a bar – very similar to Buffalo Wild Wings or TGI Fridays), even though I never drank or had intentions of doing so even if I could. So when she told me I couldn’t go, I didn’t argue and I text my Aunt to ask her if the situation was worth fighting her over since I was old enough to make my own decisions and I had a license and my own car which was a gift from my parents (which later on was taken from me,) and my aunt told me to just go out with him another night and do something else (which we did end up doing, just went to lunch) to avoid the argument with my mom but would still be able to go on the date I was asked out on. So my mom agreed to that, and then when her and my dad went out for ice cream down the street a few minutes later, my mom and aunt ended up on the phone and my mom was explaining what just happened and my aunt told her how she thinks it would be a good normal experience for me, so my mom got really defensive and mad and called my aunt a mean name and told her not to tell her how to raise me. My aunt then hurried to call me to let me know what just happened, to let me know I may be getting yelled at shortly, and that she was sorry she had upset my mom (it was not my aunt’s fault at all.) Meanwhile, I was on the phone with my aunt for that very short few minutes, my parents come in and my mom sees me on the phone and yells at me “Who is that YOUR aunt?!” Followed by some statement of the sort, I don’t remember exactly, such as “to tell on me?” So while I was just sitting playing my Call of Duty in the living room, she starts an argument, I had a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner, since I wasn’t going to Chickie’s N Pete’s to eat, and I went to take it
out because it was done, all while my mother trying to yell at me and then calmed down for about 30 seconds to try to talk to me. When she blamed me for my grandmother’s stress over our arguments over time, she asked me what the problem has been, in a calm voice. And I repeated over to her I didn’t want to say because we would just fight, but she demanded
to know and started getting angry, so I said “You.” So she slams her hand down on my pizza that I had just taken out of the oven; while I was handling it we were having this discussion, with this intense look of uncontrollable anger and she grabs the plates slides it off the counter and picks it up about to throw it at me when I stepped back and yelled “what’s the matter with you!” Meanwhile my dad had grabbed the plate as I ran out the door without shoes and down to the college parking lot down the street from our house. I called my aunt and they came and picked me up immediately. We had to call my grandmother and tell her what happened because she was in her room (our house had long hallways) and our fight was in the kitchen. So my grandmom met us by the college to bring me some clothes and shoes and incidentals for the night, but I later did come back since my mom had left with the dog and my dad followed a few days after. My grandmom and I stayed living together, while my parents and I tried to continue a relationship by making up and moving forward. After a while the control my mother tried to keep on me was too much and I had to break all contact with her, as it was too unhealthy of a relationship that was not meant to be mended yet. I tried to sit down with my mom to come to terms but it just didn’t work. About a year ago, I ran into a jam and she helped me (only for control in my opinion) and then when there was a misunderstanding and she wouldn’t listen to me, she decided to sue me so she filed in small claims to receive her money back, even though I told her I would pay her back or fix whatever the issue was, and I still have every intention of doing so because I refuse to owe her anything, and she will be paid back. But it just shows the last grasps of control which she is trying to hold on to. She even decided after everything she wouldn’t testify for me against the defendants in my lawsuit. Not speaking to each other on account of disagreements and disrespect is one thing that is understandable, but standing by and not fighting along with me is uncomprehend-able. Isn’t the bystander just as guilty as the abuser? Even if I didn’t speak to my kid for whatever reason, I’d still fight against the people who hurt her, wouldn’t you? I would never treat my kid this way, no matter what, especially one who’s been through what I have. My dad got affected by this pretty badly, my mom thinks taking his annuity was fair after kicking him out, and when I asked her to help my boyfriend and I with a simple security deposit for an apartment, she said no. And put all of the money down and bought a house with her new family - which I was allowed to live if I didn't bring my boyfriend. Her only stipulation in our entire last few years of our relationship. So when she finally just wouldn't accept the fact that I'm/was safe and happy with him, that's when we basically stopped talking. Allegedly.
My life spiral downhill
While in the year I was still living there, I spiraled into a promiscuous sexual behavior for me, increasing my small number
of 2 (being BL and SD,) to over 10, from age 19 to the time I turned 21. At 21, I was a cocktail waitress at a casino, which led to staying in the city to work as a stripper for a short period, about a month or so. Eventually my grandmother and I could no longer keep the house so she moved in with my aunt, uncle and cousins, and I moved in with my current boyfriend (of 3 years now) when he pulled me out of the strip club and got my life on the track it is now. This all happened within a month. He’s kept me home and out of harm’s way and is the most patient man I have ever met, especially when it comes to sex. My mom got remarried around this time, which was about 6 months after my parents split, and that’s when my mother and I stopped talking. She now has a new family, and no one from my/her immediate family speaks to her anymore.
It’s been almost 3 years since then, and my quality of life has in fact increased in the relationship world and controlling my emotions world, but I still suffer from many things. I wake up 3-4 times a night; I need medication daily otherwise my anxiety will overcome me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bi-Polar 2, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, and Depression. Every single one of these diagnoses are accompanied by anxiety. I have enough experience with my anxiety as of now to talk myself down, but it is still at a highly uncomfortable level.
The trust my boyfriend has had to fight so hard for from me and the things he has put himself through to just get me healthy, is because of the amount of times and different ways I was hurt and used by the men I trusted and at such an influential age. Anyone who competes with a coach - I know you can understand how trusting you need to be and you basically give your life and soul to the sport and your coaches trust, because they teach you and guide you and help you
become so incredibly successful, so why wouldn't you trust them with your life’s dream at 15? This in my situation wrecked my life in trusting all of these men, because they turned the trust in my professional adoration into something sexual.
One of the hardest things I am trying to overcome now/and have been trying to for 3 years now (this is very personal and hard to talk about - but it needs to be known how sexual abuse can effect a women’s life) is learning how to Orgasm with
any sexual stimulation - I never have before with another person. Because of the patience, trust, and concern from my boyfriend we have worked toward my recent success in orgasming with outside stimulation, but I still have yet to experience even just 1 orgasm through intercourse. This is so hard for me to not be able to experience a pleasure that should make me feel good about myself, instead there is guilt and a lot of confusion associated with it, I will enjoy it but then the act of feeling good sexually, just ends up in nausea. I can't tell you how many times I have cried in my boyfriend’s arms after something sexual, for a negative or positive reason. It also hurts me deeply to know I am unable to share that pleasure with the one I love - even though he is more than understanding, patient, and supportive, there are no words for him, and without having met him, I cannot say for sure that I would be here right now. Why do I think I can't orgasm with intercourse? I am still working out all of my issues behind this to overcome it, but I know that no one cared before to even teach me how to be pleased, I was picked up, used and spit out for personal sexual gain, and thought that was supposed to be love. But I am very close to breaking through this problem with the love and trust of my boyfriend. I am finally experiencing, beginnings or signs of an orgasm with intercourse, which is only coming down to the forgiveness of myself and realizing I am allowed and deserve to experience the wonderful joy of normal healthy sex without motives by the other partner. But it took a long time for me to believe I deserved what I have finally found – true love and respect.
I have brought forth a suit 5 years ago against organizations and an individual, to try to salvage any degree of normalcy I could. I have been battling with them as they do not want to help me or offer me any compensation for what happened to me under their supervision. They are still allowing my abusers to remain instated and attend competitions and hold schools who are registered under them. My lawyers are fighting very hard for me, and the defendant's created questions for me to answer as all lawsuits go, that were extremely disturbing for me to have to go back in time into those situations to explain
the very private details of things that I have been hoping to leave behind me, but they are not allowing it by fighting me on everything. This is one of the reasons I put up my donations page, because it takes a lot to rebuild a life and no one is helping me financially at all, especially the organizations who had responsibility over me and these situations. Allegedly.
Because of what I have been through my dreams as I knew them are now gone. I trained every single day (with a day or so break every once in a while) since I started competing at an elite level at age 14. As I grew and trained for Olympic Team Trials I was training and cross training 3 times a day for a minimum of 2 hours per session, non stop. I now do not/can not train or compete in the sport I have for 14 years without extreme anxiety and it effecting my life to the point where it is just not worth it because of all that is associated with the sport, and not being able to be around child molesters and rapists when competing. Without training it also causes a tremendous amount of anxiety because it was my anxiety healer for so long. My life was taken from me. I'm separated from my family as I knew them 4 years ago, the only one who helps me financially is my dear Grandmother, who takes it out of her social security and needs it herself for her medical bills from her recent surgery, and she is the only 1 I have left from my family who I have a good relationship with. I do not speak to my mother at all, unfortunately she was effected in some way I cannot exactly say from this whole situation, but
she ended up out of our house with major anger issues and control issues over my life. My grandmother (her own mother) stopped speaking to her - and my grandmother is the sweetest person in the world, the rest of the family also stopped speaking to her because of how she treated everyone, especially me after what I went through, I needed support, not drama. She ended up taking all of my boyfriends possessions and my possessions that were staying at my father's house while we were gathering where to live, because I went back to stay with my boyfriend after my mom tried to keep me from him - for reasons only she can justify because he is the ONLY man who ever treated me with the respect I should receive, and she had no reason to believe he was a bad person, she met him once with her new husband and didn't give him the time of day to even try to be nice. My mother allowed his help but only after that did she decide she wanted control over who I was with, and when I told her I'm not leaving him, she needed some sort of control. So that's when she took our stuff, including my medications that I was on for PTSD, Bi-Polar 2, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD, and I begged for her to just give me the medications and my laptop because I work online, and keep everything else (which includes $10,000 worth of stuff - a $6,000 TV my boyfriend had previously owned, apple laptop, and all of my clothing, which we were planning to sell to get on our feet and use as an income for a while) but she wouldn't even give my medications back, or my laptop. She still has everything I owned, and now I have been wearing my boyfriends clothes since then, since he had a few belongings in storage, which was about a year ago, also with the help of some clothing donations from his girl cousin, to allow me some form of women wear. I went through a really hard time when I went "cold turkey" off of my psychiatric
medications, I had really bad mood swings, I was suicidal, you can't just stop these types of medication out of nowhere after being on them for so long, it effects you tremendously, and I told her this and she didn't care. She just hated that I went against her judgment. This is just a speculation - My doctor mentioned to me that my mom is most likely bi polar after explaining her symptoms compared to mine, but she always did refuse to see a doctor. I am so lucky my boyfriend was there through it all. I go to a doctor to receive the medications I can afford, but the counseling is what I also really need to heal and overcome all of my emotional issues that I hope to one day progress and relieve me of taking so much medication. But the counseling is really expensive. I have tried everything to receive the treatment I need but where I live without a car or anyone to help transport me, it's almost impossible. I go to my 1 doctor which a bus takes me to, but that is the only place I can go, and I get charged 60% out of network for my insurance. I am supposed to go every 2 weeks, but I only go when I can afford it, and I still need counseling which I haven't received. I wake up every morning in panic attacks, I throw up at least 3 times a week, I never get a full nights rest and I can't nap during the day. I need my boyfriend to constantly hold me, and I feel terrible about that when he is trying to sleep because he barely sleeps as it is, because of his injury he is always in pain. A lot of things effect me from when I was abused, such as the time of morning I feel anxious now
I believe to be around the same times in the mornings when I was abused. Smells from around the house can/have triggered flash backs and moments where I will break down into an anxiety attack. I struggle to have a normal sex life as
I constantly have guilt and a feeling of "non-deserving" attached to it. I was Christina Johnson in Taekwondo, I felt I was really someone in Taekwondo, and now my entire identity has been stripped from me and it's very confusing to understand the meaning of life when the only thing that mattered to me since I was 4 years old was this dream, and now it's gone. It was gone just like that. I have tried to hold jobs but I'll either have to leave them or I get fired because of the anxiety attacks that were effecting my work and I would have to call out, leave early, or even something as simple as going to the
bathroom to call my boyfriend to help me calm me down so I could continue with my simple 3 hour shift that I couldn't get through, would get me written up and yelled at in front of the restaurant - where I felt victimized again. Any job I tried to take on had a manager who made me feel that way, which caused the anxiety to rise even further. I can't leave the house for very long or leave my boyfriends side in public without being in constant anxiety. I can walk to the store and back, but anything that takes longer in public without his protection scares me. I do not trust anyone, I get hit on in public and it just
disgusts me and makes me feel so incredibly uncomfortable. I don't like when men check me out, I don't like it when they try to talk to me. I can tell their motives from so far away now that I learned my boundaries with men, and understanding their intentions, which for the longest time I had no idea what boundaries even were. I didn't even know I could tell someone to stop poking me in the stomach when they were flirting with me and it made me uncomfortable, but I can stand up for myself now, I just find myself having to do that way too often in public if my boyfriends not next to me. It even happens when he's standing there, I see the looks I get and I live everyday in public very uncomfortable. This is a huge reason why I do not wear fitted clothes, and I'll wear multiple layers including basketball shorts and sweatpants, I do not like to show off my figure or put on makeup because it will just attract more eyes that I don't want on me. Attention for a girl is supposed to be healthy and nice at times, but I'm constantly feeling like I'm being attacked. What is harmless and normal to another average 24 year old who hasn't been through something of this nature, confuses me and I shouldn't even know what this sickening feeling from male attention feels like. I was always great friends with boys my age through grade school and through training, but now I feel like a lot of other male interaction besides my boyfriend is odd and uncomfortable. But my intuition for a men's intentions are very high and accurate now, so it is helping me feel safer because my judgment around them is very great.
About My Boyfriends Situation
I am lucky to have my loving boyfriend, but his story is also complicated, I will briefly explain why he cannot work and why his support is extra special when it comes to his selflessness. When he met me and took me in when my life spiraled downhill 3 years ago, he was, and still is extremely injured with a back injury, he has multiple herniation's and protrusions, spinal stenosis, painful and ongoing nerve damage all the way down to his foot that fills his back, hip and left leg. He now has stress fractures in both shins and knee damage that is unknown without an MRI in his left knee because of the back injury getting worse over time, because without insurance, he has not been able to receive the treatment or surgery that doctors told him he absolutely needs. He has been to the emergency room so many times, as per his lawyers instructions, they finally did an MRI 2 years ago on his back without insurance, and told them after that they wont see him anymore for his back injury. He was hurt working at Church, and has been battling the workers comp case against the Church he worked for since before I met him 3 years ago. He was supposed to have settled shorty after he met me, but the lawyers were wrong and they are still battling a settlement, because it is disputed, no one on any side will pay for anything until the case is settled. The Church told him he was insured through them and now they are claiming he was an independent contractor. His lawyers, and the lawyer that he switched to, and his doctors all refused him to work. He is still battling for his disability to be approved after filing and appealing.
My boyfriend and lost our apartment, 2 years ago because we couldn't afford it and we have been homeless ever since, except for the charity given to us by loving friends to allow us a place to stay for free. It's very hard as 2 adults to feel even a shred of independence when we can't afford to take care of ourselves, let alone help out the people we live with. It feels much like I would imagine it would feel if we had to move back home with our parents (which also were not an option.)
I don’t want to sound like I am ungrateful for the gift of the place we have been given to live, and by the caring people who have given it to us, but it kind of falls under still not being able to take full control of my own life and appreciating the smallest kindness even as bad as it is, the same way a battered woman appreciates a day off from a beating.
The hardest part about living in a lifestyle where I can have no bearing or no say is that fact that I cannot always see through to the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel like we are never going to have a place of our own, and I am never going to be able to stand up for what I believe in.
But of course, we are keeping tabs of the original rental agreement we had and we will be paying them every dime because they deserve it and it's the right thing to do.
MY GOALS AND DREAMS
-I want to change the
laws and athlete protection programs in my sport (and other sports as best as I can)
-I will be writing/having someone write a book on the
full true story of my life (not based on - fully true)
-I want to have a place for abused minors to run to when they need to talk
-I want parents to be more informed so they are more aware of the safety of their children with
trusting the wrong people
Personal Life Goals:
-I want to marry my boyfriend
-I want to own a house with a backyard and a pool, and a nice kitchen.
-I want my cat and Granny to come with, and add 3 dogs
-I want a telescope and cool binoculars so I can sky watch
-I want to meet Bono
-I want to compete in BMX competitions, maybe even the X-Games
I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina JoI would like to thank you for reading my story. Wisdom from my loving Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Please share my story in any way you can.
Also if you wish to make a donation to my cause, you can visit my donations page here: www.gofundme.com/christinasstory
<3 Thank you.
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. Allegedly.
Allegedly True and
Allegedly written by Christina
Johnson Personally******************************Everything in this story is
Allegedly True and
Allegedly written by Christina
Johnson Personally******************************Everything in this story is
Allegedly True and
Allegedly written by Christina
Johnson Personally***************PublicistsPubl
Publicists, Agents, Magazines, News Reporters, etc, Please contact Christina if you would like to help her story reach the media.
***************Everything in this story is Allegedly True and Allegedly written by Christina Johnson Personally***************
Hello everyone, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Christina Johnson, I am 24 years old, and I am a surviving victim
of sexual abuse. Please take your time when reading my story as it is quite lengthy, and I thank you for reading.
A short brief about my success in
Taekwondo:
I trained in martial arts and competed in Tae Kwon Do nationally and internationally, I was an Olympic Hopeful who placed 3rd at the Olympic Team Trials in 2007 for the 2008 Olympic Team. I was sexually abused by 3 different Coaches in my Sport including statutory rape at 14-15 years old from the second school I had attended, onto molestation at 15-16 by the next coach at the next school, and then into a manipulative relationship from 16(ish) which turned sexual at 18 with the next coach who I trusted with everything, resulting in stalking me when I wanted to move on with my life at 19 - He made the first move after I confided in him about the other 2 coaches.
Here are a couple of articles on me that were in the paper while I was in the height of my career if you are interested in reading them:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/02/AR2006070200745.html
http://ww2.gazette.net/stories/080807/rockspo223436_32358.shtml
I'm sure many have seen this video, unfortunately it is the only video of me fighting online that was posted by someone else in 2009, but I'm still proud of it ;) for those of you who don't know me, I am in Red. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQ4iet-XYso Yes, they should have scored that back kick =P
Here is My Story:
Since the age of 4 I had wanted to “learn karate” and win the Gold at the Olympics, all because of my favorite TV show,
The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. My mother told me I was too young but if I still wanted to do it in a few years she would enroll me. 3 years later when I was 7, after nagging my mom as all kids with inspiration do, she enrolled me in a local Tang Soo Do School, that my best friend was attending. I was determined and I grew as a martial artist and received my 1st degree black belt at age 11. I also loved softball and soccer, and skateboarding, bmx, roller blades, and scooters or basically anything else with wheels that you can do tricks on, but martial arts seemed to be what I was best at. I was always the tom boy in school.. I look back at my little self now and see a pretty little girl, who had some guts. I always hung out with the boys at recess playing football, soccer, and anything else. I was just always tough enough to hang with the athletic kids and always had normal friendships with the opposite sex. I emphasize this now because of how you will see my life unravel in this story.
After 6 years of being with my first local Martial Arts school in Absecon, New Jersey, at age 13/14, it was time to move on
to a more “elite” school who had more experience to help me grow as an athlete and who wasn’t teaching classes that had nothing to do with Sport Taekwondo. My parents brought me to the next closest “elite” school we knew of 45 minutes away in Voorhees, New Jersey. Meanwhile, the coach from Absecon (let’s call him MS) began to stalk me and my family as soon as we left. He never touched me sexually, but I know of a story where he allegedly abused someone else, and I had felt a few vibes when I was alone with him at age 12-13, but thankfully nothing ever happened. But what did happen was he started to call all the local schools and request them not to take me (I’m assuming so I had nowhere else to go so I had to come back?) He forced my friends to stop speaking to me, he called our house a lot and he called my new coach 19 times in one weekend, and also typed up a long letter with a sentimental tone and it was delivered to me in school by my friend who was still training there, along with my plaque that the black belts held on the school wall with our name and pictures. I read it in health class, then brought it home and showed it to my parents of course. I remember an “amusing” moment when my mom called it “a mean sandwich” because it started off sentimental then the tone changed to mean and angry and then he ended it in a sentimental tone again, or the other way around I can’t quite remember. Regardless, it wasn’t something a 13/14 year old girl should be receiving from a grown man, especially in school. Another weird situation in this event was after we left he read off a letter to my new coach that I had previously written to him – it was a school assignment. We were to write to a teacher of our choice to explain how they inspired us. So I chose to write to my Martial Arts instructor. He ended up speaking to my new coach within those 19 phone calls and told him how he was currently in the woods hunting as he did on occasion, when he started reading off my letter for whatever reason he felt was necessary I guess. Meaning he had my letter in the woods? So at that point we got pretty creeped out, and since I was only 13 or 14 at the time, my parents went to the prosecutors for me and mediated an order of protection for him to stay out of contact with me and my family. He actually just recently reached out to me on Facebook and I saw his intentions from a mile away as I do with my intuition of men nowadays, and told him off and to not contact me anymore. He kept replying to each “don’t reply” so I just never even bothered to read his last message because I knew he was trying to compel me to reply back and forth. I wasn’t even going to mention him in this story since he never touched me and I have a lack of memory about a lot of what happened during this time, but the fact that he had the audacity to contact me in a “supportive” and to me obviously manipulative tone, after those actions, after reading my story and after him having done what he has to other people allegedly – being the type of person he is, I was extremely offended and felt very disrespected, I kind of felt attacked to be honest. So I’m including it now… Good job buddy, you dug yourself a hole.
So I ended up training 1 on 1, days at a time, with the new coach in Voorhees, NJ alone (let’s call him BL.) BL saw allegedly that I had a crush on him and knew I was a virgin when we first had sexual intercourse when I was age 15. This man was 36, he first kissed me when I was 14 years old. I was just gaining my bearings in Taekwondo and starting to do real well as a higher level athlete. At the time I thought I was in love, and that I was special, but I had no idea what love was or what I wanted. Not only did I lose my virginity to one of the worst people I could have, but I was treated extremely poorly, and had not realized how badly I was treated until I grew older and left all of the manipulative situations I was in. BL (I didn’t learn until recently) had sexual, drug and alcohol addictions, and little did I know, I was constantly around drugs and alcohol, and someone who was impaired and on them and off them withdrawing. He was engaged to a 24 year old at the time (I realize which is my age now, and can understand what she must have felt suspecting/learning this) and was still having sex with parents of students he taught in the school. He would have sex with his ex-girlfriend who also trained/taught at the school, right next door in the next hotel room from me at competitions – a place where I should be focusing, and he didn’t care that I knew, and would come next door the next day and have ex with me. Actually, looking back, there was a time, now this is pretty disturbing – my parents could barely afford what we were paying at the time for normal practices as it was plus the private lessons, my dad was working overtime to pay for the private lessons, and after we had already been having sex instead of training 3x a day for 3 days a week, he told my parents he needed to UP the price of the lessons monthly. I think he increased it by at least $100 or so monthly. I had no idea what for since he wasn’t even training me. If I ever trained it was with another man he brought in to practice with me – no one else ever touched me, but he trusted men alone with me so he didn’t have to get out of bed. I’ve always felt the guilt of never saying anything, which is unfair because at 14 you don’t know and shouldn’t be put into the position to feel that guilt, ever. This was really hard for me to not say anything about because I didn’t want to hurt him then. My mom got mad later on when I told her I knew and I didn’t tell her. So he bloodied my nose and beat me against the wall in practice - He hid behind his awards to allow people to think he was good at his skill. He possessed skill but only that of a 36 year old man over a 14 year old girl. I thought love was allowing the man you care for to use you because you want him to be happy and care for you, and to get what he wants, because getting what he wants makes him happy, in a manipulative state - that is your only goal. But he just used me for his own satisfaction and I didn't even have a full sex drive yet, actually, I had never even experimented with myself by this time, my first sexual experience EVER was with this man, and I wasn't even treated well at the least (except my first kiss at 12/13 which I am thankful I was able to grasp under my control before he took that from me too) - but at the time I thought I was special and thought the way I was talked to and treated was just normal, until I experienced love as it truly is with my boyfriend now. Now looking back at this, this man shouldn’t even be with a grown woman, let alone have the influence or ability to touch a 14 year old girl, regardless if she thinks she wants it or not. After learning this, for 3 years literally every night before bed I prayed that I did not contract HIV from him because of the large number of women I learned he was with unprotected. I had gotten tested once I was 18 and found I was fine and I did not have HIV. -Allegedly
I was halfway to 16 years old when he just got so bad with his issues that we had to leave. We didn’t know what they were at the time, all we knew was he stopped showing up to class and training and canceled all the time and we were paying for nothing. So we went to the next closest elite school in the area which was 3 hours away in Maryland. Long and behold, this man (let’s call him RL) started to molest me at 16 years old, touching me over and underneath clothing. Mainly inappropriate touching and flirting on his part would occur, pressing up against me with himself in areas, providing lotion on bare skin massages where he would penetrate me with his finger and feel my entire bare breasts. I cannot speak for the others as far as exactly what they experienced, but I cannot imagine it being much different from what he did to me. I was not alone and many others have gone through the same types of things with the same person when I was there, and I learned later of even worse stories about him and prior minor female students. None of us knew what to do. So while I was being molested I said nothing, I thought I had to keep my mouth shut to be successful, because of how he made me respect him so highly as a coach, I thought I could not succeed without him, and there is a part of him that makes you think you can enjoy it, which now sickens me. There were conversations between me and other girls from this school every once in a while about how we didn’t know if he knew what he was doing, because of this man’s nature, he played it very slick, and flirty but friendly acceptable, and naïve. “Does he know what he’s touching?” we asked ourselves, “no way, he must just be
stupid or inexperienced, there’s no way.” We would answer. RL was 38 married and about to have a baby/had a baby while we were there.
Realizing there was another coach training students at this school (let’s call him SD,) who could take me to an elite level in the school and probably wouldn’t touch me, I asked to train with him and have him coach me, until the point where I was mainly “his student” and not so much the one who was molesting me. At a national event, one of my very close girlfriends’ at the school came to me and another girlfriend to tell us about how she can’t hold it in anymore and she needed to tell someone. She told us about his inappropriate behavior, similar to my experiences with him. We ended up at home, telling our parents, and went to the prosecutor’s office. He was never arrested on account there was not enough evidence and it was our word against his. Although he was arrested while we were there training in Maryland by a charge a brave student filed who was with us for a short period. Unfortunately the manipulation he had over everyone led us to just stay there until eventually we all came out ourselves. After leaving that school, I had to see this person again at a competition, and SD who was supposed to be protecting me, easily went over to him and talked to him like they were besties, and he continued to speak with him on the phone until I expressed extreme distraught and anxiety over it. RL later on, a few years ago after losing many of his students to these allegations, allegedly fled to his home country in Egypt, where he now resides and continues to teach young girls in Tae Kwon Do. I believe he still may attend international competitions.
SD who I mentioned earlier, turned to taking over training and coaching me, took us all temporarily and trained us for free. He first kissed me when I just turned 18, and there were many flirtatious times before I ever turned 18 with him. After I told him about the details of both previous coaches, he made the first move shortly after. He knew my background. While SD was 59 and “oh so smart” to see the vulnerability in me... Yes, I had feelings for him from a long time manipulation; he saved me from the 2 big bad men who hurt me before. He had me winning and being successful, I trusted him with everything, he bought me things, I thought I was being treated like I hadn’t before, as I did with the previous 2 mistakenly. SD was married, I believe 40 years, and had 2 daughters older than me or around my age. I thought I loved this man too, after being with him a year, I ended up in the crisis center 2 times with emotional distress and hopelessness, and put on medications for depression and anxiety. I remember a time when I was on a competition trip with a national team in Serbia and all of us athletes went to a dance club and I started having a normal fun time with my buddies dancing – but it lasted about 5 minutes when he came over and freaked out on me for dancing with people and doing something he couldn’t be involved in, so I didn’t get to go back in and have any more fun with the team. Instead we had a big fight, and he disrespected me by trying to make me jealous by telling stories about other women and things. I didn’t know who was right or who was wrong because inside I felt “but you’re married, how can you tell me I can’t even dance with someone?” I
realized I did not love him when he showed his true colors as a stalker and harasser, I surprised myself when I got over him very quickly and easily, ready to move on with my youth that I had not yet experienced at age 19. He started stalking me and not leaving me alone when I refused to take him back after breaking up with me to save his business from his divorce. He told me he couldn’t lose his house and his business for a divorce to be with me. So I told him I wouldn’t take him back for the third time if he called again, and I didn’t 2 weeks later when he tried. I now have a restraining order on him and he was
convicted of stalking and harassment. I reported him to the Taekwondo organization and they suspended him temporarily. After 2 years, oddly enough after I was injured and wouldn’t be competing for a while, he was reinstated and
still attends competitions. Oh he was also an Olympic Referee. Allegedly.
So I thought I was ok to live life at the point when we “broke up,” I got a job at a pet store to work with dogs because I love working with animals, and had a boyfriend my age who was normal. I was still living at home and got a dog from the pet store. But, things spiraled downhill very fast when our family felt the stress of the restraining order during this. My boyfriend and I at the time broke up after 6 months on normal terms. SD stalked me and harassed me to no understandable degree. He threatened to post nude photos of me that I had been asked to send to him and had, over the course of time we were involved. He promised he’d delete them. I realized he obviously didn’t since a stack of printed naked pictures of me were slammed on the table in front of me at my deposition. I looked at these pictures as requested by the defendants to verify it was me – I saw this really young, really hurt and vulnerable girl, I didn’t see me like I see myself today. I felt like I was looking at someone else’s pictures, like if I had a little sister – I did not look like I was enjoying myself whatsoever in the photos, I thought "how could a man be ok with this when using them for his benefit with this obvious look on my face.. naked..? "So – he threatened in an email to my mom that he would blast my naked pictures over the internet and through our teams email group (for practice updates etc. – which also had minors’ emails involved in this group as many of the athletes at the school were still juniors) if she did not tell his wife that she lied when his wife called up my mom asking for the truth, in that email included an image of me in my underwear, in the message it said in the next email the clothes would come off. He then tried to apologize 2 weeks later begging for me back once again, I had emailed him and told him I wanted to move on with my life and to not contact me anymore. So he sent me flowers, kept trying to call me but my mom held onto my phone, and he started calling my best friend at her job – He only knew she worked at a Wawa and her name, so he found the Wawa to call and called her twice, once after she told him I wanted nothing to do with him and to not call her back. He told her he was offering me a house and money and anything I wanted, but I wanted nothing to do with him. He also Facebooked my ex-boyfriend as soon as we broke up. Which was about 6 months after the stalking began. The stalking went on for years because he appealed the first restraining order and won on a very strange technicality that the “threats” of the photo were to my mom and not directly to me.
Here is public record of some of the incident(s) mentioned, both links lead to the same record:
http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/mcs/case_law/cj_v_sd.pdf
http://www.leagle.com/decision/in%20njco%2020100809178
So I had to wait again until he harassed me enough and I gathered enough evidence to go file at the police station again. He started to call me on my cell phone which he somehow got ahold of my new number, but by disguising his number as my dad or moms. So when he would call it would come up “mom” or “dad” so I would answer because I screened all of my calls. The first time this happened I got really scared I though he had my dad held hostage or hurt and was calling from his phone. But I quickly called my parents and they were both fine. One time “dad” was calling when I was with both of my parents, so I answered without speaking on speakerphone which allowed him to talk, so my mom was a witness of that fraudulent call. He later on admitted on the stand during the restraining order court dates, he used a spoof card online which is supposed to be used for pranks. Then I was granted a second final restraining order which is still in effect and will be forever. Here is public record of the second restraining order.
http://law.justia.com/cases/new-jersey/appellate-division-unpublished/2012/a2611-10.html
For the longest time I was very scared for my family, and then my grandmother and cat when I continued to live with them alone, he would slowly drive up and down my street in New Jersey, and he lives in Maryland. I had sleep medication I was prescribed to take but I was afraid to take it because I didn't want to fall into too deep of a sleep incase SD decided to come in one night, which thankfully never happened. I will admit I even asked my granny to sleep in my bed with me a few nights. But he was stripped of his gun license and collection when he was convicted of stalking, which makes me feel much safer now. Allegedly.
My parents then moved out together because my grandmother owned the house and she basically told my mom to get out if she wasn’t going to start acting like a parent and stop fighting with everyone all the time, and my dad without questioning followed her. And my grandmother and I stayed where we were together for as long as she could support us on her social security, but we had a 4 bedroom house and had already been through bankruptcies, so it didn’t last too long.
Here is the story of the last day we lived together as a family. When things were getting real bad, this is the event that
ended with my parents moving out that night, I wanted to go on a date when I was single with a guy who had asked me out, after first meeting me for the first time while I was with my family out to dinner, including my Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt, before he had asked me out, mentioned I should go out with him because he was funny, he was closer to my age - I believe 28, since the restraining order with the 60 year old, and he just seemed normal. So he later on asked me out to go to Chickie’s N Pete’s, he was a radio show host and had a show at that Sports Bar Restaurant that night so he invited me over. I was in the shower getting ready for my date when my mom came in and demanded to know where I was going and with whom. I told her, and she refused me to go because it was “a bar” and I wasn’t 21 yet (it’s a restaurant with a bar – very similar to Buffalo Wild Wings or TGI Fridays), even though I never drank or had intentions of doing so even if I could. So when she told me I couldn’t go, I didn’t argue and I text my Aunt to ask her if the situation was worth fighting her over since I was old enough to make my own decisions and I had a license and my own car which was a gift from my parents (which later on was taken from me,) and my aunt told me to just go out with him another night and do something else (which we did end up doing, just went to lunch) to avoid the argument with my mom but would still be able to go on the date I was asked out on. So my mom agreed to that, and then when her and my dad went out for ice cream down the street a few minutes later, my mom and aunt ended up on the phone and my mom was explaining what just happened and my aunt told her how she thinks it would be a good normal experience for me, so my mom got really defensive and mad and called my aunt a mean name and told her not to tell her how to raise me. My aunt then hurried to call me to let me know what just happened, to let me know I may be getting yelled at shortly, and that she was sorry she had upset my mom (it was not my aunt’s fault at all.) Meanwhile, I was on the phone with my aunt for that very short few minutes, my parents come in and my mom sees me on the phone and yells at me “Who is that YOUR aunt?!” Followed by some statement of the sort, I don’t remember exactly, such as “to tell on me?” So while I was just sitting playing my Call of Duty in the living room, she starts an argument, I had a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner, since I wasn’t going to Chickie’s N Pete’s to eat, and I went to take it
out because it was done, all while my mother trying to yell at me and then calmed down for about 30 seconds to try to talk to me. When she blamed me for my grandmother’s stress over our arguments over time, she asked me what the problem has been, in a calm voice. And I repeated over to her I didn’t want to say because we would just fight, but she demanded
to know and started getting angry, so I said “You.” So she slams her hand down on my pizza that I had just taken out of the oven; while I was handling it we were having this discussion, with this intense look of uncontrollable anger and she grabs the plates slides it off the counter and picks it up about to throw it at me when I stepped back and yelled “what’s the matter with you!” Meanwhile my dad had grabbed the plate as I ran out the door without shoes and down to the college parking lot down the street from our house. I called my aunt and they came and picked me up immediately. We had to call my grandmother and tell her what happened because she was in her room (our house had long hallways) and our fight was in the kitchen. So my grandmom met us by the college to bring me some clothes and shoes and incidentals for the night, but I later did come back since my mom had left with the dog and my dad followed a few days after. My grandmom and I stayed living together, while my parents and I tried to continue a relationship by making up and moving forward. After a while the control my mother tried to keep on me was too much and I had to break all contact with her, as it was too unhealthy of a relationship that was not meant to be mended yet. I tried to sit down with my mom to come to terms but it just didn’t work. About a year ago, I ran into a jam and she helped me (only for control in my opinion) and then when there was a misunderstanding and she wouldn’t listen to me, she decided to sue me so she filed in small claims to receive her money back, even though I told her I would pay her back or fix whatever the issue was, and I still have every intention of doing so because I refuse to owe her anything, and she will be paid back. But it just shows the last grasps of control which she is trying to hold on to. She even decided after everything she wouldn’t testify for me against the defendants in my lawsuit. Not speaking to each other on account of disagreements and disrespect is one thing that is understandable, but standing by and not fighting along with me is uncomprehend-able. Isn’t the bystander just as guilty as the abuser? Even if I didn’t speak to my kid for whatever reason, I’d still fight against the people who hurt her, wouldn’t you? I would never treat my kid this way, no matter what, especially one who’s been through what I have. My dad got affected by this pretty badly, my mom thinks taking his annuity was fair after kicking him out, and when I asked her to help my boyfriend and I with a simple security deposit for an apartment, she said no. And put all of the money down and bought a house with her new family - which I was allowed to live if I didn't bring my boyfriend. Her only stipulation in our entire last few years of our relationship. So when she finally just wouldn't accept the fact that I'm/was safe and happy with him, that's when we basically stopped talking. Allegedly.
My life spiral downhill
While in the year I was still living there, I spiraled into a promiscuous sexual behavior for me, increasing my small number
of 2 (being BL and SD,) to over 10, from age 19 to the time I turned 21. At 21, I was a cocktail waitress at a casino, which led to staying in the city to work as a stripper for a short period, about a month or so. Eventually my grandmother and I could no longer keep the house so she moved in with my aunt, uncle and cousins, and I moved in with my current boyfriend (of 3 years now) when he pulled me out of the strip club and got my life on the track it is now. This all happened within a month. He’s kept me home and out of harm’s way and is the most patient man I have ever met, especially when it comes to sex. My mom got remarried around this time, which was about 6 months after my parents split, and that’s when my mother and I stopped talking. She now has a new family, and no one from my/her immediate family speaks to her anymore.
It’s been almost 3 years since then, and my quality of life has in fact increased in the relationship world and controlling my emotions world, but I still suffer from many things. I wake up 3-4 times a night; I need medication daily otherwise my anxiety will overcome me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bi-Polar 2, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, and Depression. Every single one of these diagnoses are accompanied by anxiety. I have enough experience with my anxiety as of now to talk myself down, but it is still at a highly uncomfortable level.
The trust my boyfriend has had to fight so hard for from me and the things he has put himself through to just get me healthy, is because of the amount of times and different ways I was hurt and used by the men I trusted and at such an influential age. Anyone who competes with a coach - I know you can understand how trusting you need to be and you basically give your life and soul to the sport and your coaches trust, because they teach you and guide you and help you
become so incredibly successful, so why wouldn't you trust them with your life’s dream at 15? This in my situation wrecked my life in trusting all of these men, because they turned the trust in my professional adoration into something sexual.
One of the hardest things I am trying to overcome now/and have been trying to for 3 years now (this is very personal and hard to talk about - but it needs to be known how sexual abuse can effect a women’s life) is learning how to Orgasm with
any sexual stimulation - I never have before with another person. Because of the patience, trust, and concern from my boyfriend we have worked toward my recent success in orgasming with outside stimulation, but I still have yet to experience even just 1 orgasm through intercourse. This is so hard for me to not be able to experience a pleasure that should make me feel good about myself, instead there is guilt and a lot of confusion associated with it, I will enjoy it but then the act of feeling good sexually, just ends up in nausea. I can't tell you how many times I have cried in my boyfriend’s arms after something sexual, for a negative or positive reason. It also hurts me deeply to know I am unable to share that pleasure with the one I love - even though he is more than understanding, patient, and supportive, there are no words for him, and without having met him, I cannot say for sure that I would be here right now. Why do I think I can't orgasm with intercourse? I am still working out all of my issues behind this to overcome it, but I know that no one cared before to even teach me how to be pleased, I was picked up, used and spit out for personal sexual gain, and thought that was supposed to be love. But I am very close to breaking through this problem with the love and trust of my boyfriend. I am finally experiencing, beginnings or signs of an orgasm with intercourse, which is only coming down to the forgiveness of myself and realizing I am allowed and deserve to experience the wonderful joy of normal healthy sex without motives by the other partner. But it took a long time for me to believe I deserved what I have finally found – true love and respect.
I have brought forth a suit 5 years ago against organizations and an individual, to try to salvage any degree of normalcy I could. I have been battling with them as they do not want to help me or offer me any compensation for what happened to me under their supervision. They are still allowing my abusers to remain instated and attend competitions and hold schools who are registered under them. My lawyers are fighting very hard for me, and the defendant's created questions for me to answer as all lawsuits go, that were extremely disturbing for me to have to go back in time into those situations to explain
the very private details of things that I have been hoping to leave behind me, but they are not allowing it by fighting me on everything. This is one of the reasons I put up my donations page, because it takes a lot to rebuild a life and no one is helping me financially at all, especially the organizations who had responsibility over me and these situations. Allegedly.
Because of what I have been through my dreams as I knew them are now gone. I trained every single day (with a day or so break every once in a while) since I started competing at an elite level at age 14. As I grew and trained for Olympic Team Trials I was training and cross training 3 times a day for a minimum of 2 hours per session, non stop. I now do not/can not train or compete in the sport I have for 14 years without extreme anxiety and it effecting my life to the point where it is just not worth it because of all that is associated with the sport, and not being able to be around child molesters and rapists when competing. Without training it also causes a tremendous amount of anxiety because it was my anxiety healer for so long. My life was taken from me. I'm separated from my family as I knew them 4 years ago, the only one who helps me financially is my dear Grandmother, who takes it out of her social security and needs it herself for her medical bills from her recent surgery, and she is the only 1 I have left from my family who I have a good relationship with. I do not speak to my mother at all, unfortunately she was effected in some way I cannot exactly say from this whole situation, but
she ended up out of our house with major anger issues and control issues over my life. My grandmother (her own mother) stopped speaking to her - and my grandmother is the sweetest person in the world, the rest of the family also stopped speaking to her because of how she treated everyone, especially me after what I went through, I needed support, not drama. She ended up taking all of my boyfriends possessions and my possessions that were staying at my father's house while we were gathering where to live, because I went back to stay with my boyfriend after my mom tried to keep me from him - for reasons only she can justify because he is the ONLY man who ever treated me with the respect I should receive, and she had no reason to believe he was a bad person, she met him once with her new husband and didn't give him the time of day to even try to be nice. My mother allowed his help but only after that did she decide she wanted control over who I was with, and when I told her I'm not leaving him, she needed some sort of control. So that's when she took our stuff, including my medications that I was on for PTSD, Bi-Polar 2, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD, and I begged for her to just give me the medications and my laptop because I work online, and keep everything else (which includes $10,000 worth of stuff - a $6,000 TV my boyfriend had previously owned, apple laptop, and all of my clothing, which we were planning to sell to get on our feet and use as an income for a while) but she wouldn't even give my medications back, or my laptop. She still has everything I owned, and now I have been wearing my boyfriends clothes since then, since he had a few belongings in storage, which was about a year ago, also with the help of some clothing donations from his girl cousin, to allow me some form of women wear. I went through a really hard time when I went "cold turkey" off of my psychiatric
medications, I had really bad mood swings, I was suicidal, you can't just stop these types of medication out of nowhere after being on them for so long, it effects you tremendously, and I told her this and she didn't care. She just hated that I went against her judgment. This is just a speculation - My doctor mentioned to me that my mom is most likely bi polar after explaining her symptoms compared to mine, but she always did refuse to see a doctor. I am so lucky my boyfriend was there through it all. I go to a doctor to receive the medications I can afford, but the counseling is what I also really need to heal and overcome all of my emotional issues that I hope to one day progress and relieve me of taking so much medication. But the counseling is really expensive. I have tried everything to receive the treatment I need but where I live without a car or anyone to help transport me, it's almost impossible. I go to my 1 doctor which a bus takes me to, but that is the only place I can go, and I get charged 60% out of network for my insurance. I am supposed to go every 2 weeks, but I only go when I can afford it, and I still need counseling which I haven't received. I wake up every morning in panic attacks, I throw up at least 3 times a week, I never get a full nights rest and I can't nap during the day. I need my boyfriend to constantly hold me, and I feel terrible about that when he is trying to sleep because he barely sleeps as it is, because of his injury he is always in pain. A lot of things effect me from when I was abused, such as the time of morning I feel anxious now
I believe to be around the same times in the mornings when I was abused. Smells from around the house can/have triggered flash backs and moments where I will break down into an anxiety attack. I struggle to have a normal sex life as
I constantly have guilt and a feeling of "non-deserving" attached to it. I was Christina Johnson in Taekwondo, I felt I was really someone in Taekwondo, and now my entire identity has been stripped from me and it's very confusing to understand the meaning of life when the only thing that mattered to me since I was 4 years old was this dream, and now it's gone. It was gone just like that. I have tried to hold jobs but I'll either have to leave them or I get fired because of the anxiety attacks that were effecting my work and I would have to call out, leave early, or even something as simple as going to the
bathroom to call my boyfriend to help me calm me down so I could continue with my simple 3 hour shift that I couldn't get through, would get me written up and yelled at in front of the restaurant - where I felt victimized again. Any job I tried to take on had a manager who made me feel that way, which caused the anxiety to rise even further. I can't leave the house for very long or leave my boyfriends side in public without being in constant anxiety. I can walk to the store and back, but anything that takes longer in public without his protection scares me. I do not trust anyone, I get hit on in public and it just
disgusts me and makes me feel so incredibly uncomfortable. I don't like when men check me out, I don't like it when they try to talk to me. I can tell their motives from so far away now that I learned my boundaries with men, and understanding their intentions, which for the longest time I had no idea what boundaries even were. I didn't even know I could tell someone to stop poking me in the stomach when they were flirting with me and it made me uncomfortable, but I can stand up for myself now, I just find myself having to do that way too often in public if my boyfriends not next to me. It even happens when he's standing there, I see the looks I get and I live everyday in public very uncomfortable. This is a huge reason why I do not wear fitted clothes, and I'll wear multiple layers including basketball shorts and sweatpants, I do not like to show off my figure or put on makeup because it will just attract more eyes that I don't want on me. Attention for a girl is supposed to be healthy and nice at times, but I'm constantly feeling like I'm being attacked. What is harmless and normal to another average 24 year old who hasn't been through something of this nature, confuses me and I shouldn't even know what this sickening feeling from male attention feels like. I was always great friends with boys my age through grade school and through training, but now I feel like a lot of other male interaction besides my boyfriend is odd and uncomfortable. But my intuition for a men's intentions are very high and accurate now, so it is helping me feel safer because my judgment around them is very great.
About My Boyfriends Situation
I am lucky to have my loving boyfriend, but his story is also complicated, I will briefly explain why he cannot work and why his support is extra special when it comes to his selflessness. When he met me and took me in when my life spiraled downhill 3 years ago, he was, and still is extremely injured with a back injury, he has multiple herniation's and protrusions, spinal stenosis, painful and ongoing nerve damage all the way down to his foot that fills his back, hip and left leg. He now has stress fractures in both shins and knee damage that is unknown without an MRI in his left knee because of the back injury getting worse over time, because without insurance, he has not been able to receive the treatment or surgery that doctors told him he absolutely needs. He has been to the emergency room so many times, as per his lawyers instructions, they finally did an MRI 2 years ago on his back without insurance, and told them after that they wont see him anymore for his back injury. He was hurt working at Church, and has been battling the workers comp case against the Church he worked for since before I met him 3 years ago. He was supposed to have settled shorty after he met me, but the lawyers were wrong and they are still battling a settlement, because it is disputed, no one on any side will pay for anything until the case is settled. The Church told him he was insured through them and now they are claiming he was an independent contractor. His lawyers, and the lawyer that he switched to, and his doctors all refused him to work. He is still battling for his disability to be approved after filing and appealing.
My boyfriend and lost our apartment, 2 years ago because we couldn't afford it and we have been homeless ever since, except for the charity given to us by loving friends to allow us a place to stay for free. It's very hard as 2 adults to feel even a shred of independence when we can't afford to take care of ourselves, let alone help out the people we live with. It feels much like I would imagine it would feel if we had to move back home with our parents (which also were not an option.)
I don’t want to sound like I am ungrateful for the gift of the place we have been given to live, and by the caring people who have given it to us, but it kind of falls under still not being able to take full control of my own life and appreciating the smallest kindness even as bad as it is, the same way a battered woman appreciates a day off from a beating.
The hardest part about living in a lifestyle where I can have no bearing or no say is that fact that I cannot always see through to the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel like we are never going to have a place of our own, and I am never going to be able to stand up for what I believe in.
But of course, we are keeping tabs of the original rental agreement we had and we will be paying them every dime because they deserve it and it's the right thing to do.
MY GOALS AND DREAMS
-I want to change the
laws and athlete protection programs in my sport (and other sports as best as I can)
-I will be writing/having someone write a book on the
full true story of my life (not based on - fully true)
-I want to have a place for abused minors to run to when they need to talk
-I want parents to be more informed so they are more aware of the safety of their children with
trusting the wrong people
Personal Life Goals:
-I want to marry my boyfriend
-I want to own a house with a backyard and a pool, and a nice kitchen.
-I want my cat and Granny to come with, and add 3 dogs
-I want a telescope and cool binoculars so I can sky watch
-I want to meet Bono
-I want to compete in BMX competitions, maybe even the X-Games
I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. I would like to thank you for reading my story and thank you in advance for any
donation you make - even a kind word is still a donation. Wisdom from my loving
Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even
met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Written Personally by Christina JoI would like to thank you for reading my story. Wisdom from my loving Grandmother, my motto, and ironically enough my boyfriends motto before we even met, which we all 3 have tattooed on ourselves "Believe"
Please share my story in any way you can.
Also if you wish to make a donation to my cause, you can visit my donations page here: www.gofundme.com/christinasstory
<3 Thank you.
Written Personally by Christina Johnson. Allegedly.