Forced to be coached by Rapists…?
The examples I reference to in this article are true stories I have been told to from reliable sources, my personal experiences, and first hand from the abused.
I have fought myself back and forth and
asked myself the ultimate question after quitting from training for 14 years,
“Do I still want to fight? Do I still want to make the Olympic Team?”
For the last 5 years, I have been asking
myself so many questions to retrieve the answer to that one question such as,
what is worth it? what would I have to overcome? what would I have to go
through? and who may I have to see or face when competing? Did I really love the
sport? Fighting? Or was that drive taken from me long ago?
My motivation after a while only stemmed
from my coaches. Looking back, I never found myself fighting for me; I was
always fighting for someone else, or to “impress” someone else by winning and
succeeding. Once these coaches gained my subconscious and loyal manipulated
attention and turning it sexual, fighting stopped being about why I started in
the first place. So once I realized that, I realized I truly did love to fight,
and I truly did want to make the Olympic Team, and I would still absolutely love
to. I believe I still could, after the emotions I have overcome so far, and
missing the sport for the right reasons, just because I miss it for me –
realizing I could possibly gain back that initial motivation to fight for myself
and to inspire others.
So what exactly is still standing in my
way? I had thought all of my answers through; particularly to me, what is worth
the Olympic success? I could possibly move forward, but then I realized I had
one more question to ask myself. Who will be my coach and will I be safe from
what already happened to me and have the ability to avoid it from happening
again or worse?
Initially I thought, “ok I can still have
an awesome respectful coach, I have the intuition to know who’s “good” and
“bad.” But oh wait.. what if I make a Team, or The Team. Now what, I don’t get
to bring my own coach that I trust. I am forced to be coached by known rapists.
And not only be coached by them but not have the ability to be protected at any
point in time during a training camp or a competition trip? Who’s to stop a
coach from touching me when sitting next to me on a plane at the least? No one
can see… it’s happened to me before. Why are coaches sitting next to female
minor athletes on the planes? Why are they allowed alone with them in hotel
rooms? AND HOW do they get into these girls personal hotel rooms when they are
unwanted and uninvited, to rape them? So after seeing this for what it really
is, I come to the realization, to continue my dream, I have to be put in the
position of being alone with rapists, who WILL rape me. So no I can’t compete
again, I refused to be raped. Unfortunately, so many girls don’t know this, and
don’t have the protection they need around these coaches, who really need to be
dismembered and in my honest opinion need to be put in jail for the rest of
their lives.
I remember parents and personal coaches
weren’t even allowed to attend Team Training Camp practices when I was going to
them. (Training camps to either make a team or to train with the team you
already made before you all take off to the competition together, almost always
overseas because Team trips are international competitions) I had to call my
coach at the time and parents after a training camp practice once crying (held
before we left for an international competition,) after I had my first anxiety
attack AKA panic attack during a practice, where a senior male athlete beat the
crap out of me and I was only 16 on the junior team and he was on the senior
team and at least 25 years old to my recollection. I didn’t know what was
happening when I couldn’t breathe. This was my first time experiencing an
anxiety attack ever, I thought I was possibly having a heart attack and thought
I was going to suffocate. Keep in mind we were fighting so I had a tied hogu (a
firm chest protector) around me also.
I remember trying to catch my breath,
trying to talk myself into “I’ll live” because I really thought I may have been
dying (for those of you who have ever experienced an anxiety attack (and for the
first time,) I’m sure you can agree obviously we don’t know how to control that
yet because we don’t know what it is at the time, and you can understand the
relation to the situation of confusing an anxiety attack with a heart attack and
suffocation – which of course only makes the attack worse.
I specifically remember the one female
coach coming off the floor where I was trying to be alone to gather my breath
and telling me to suck it up and get back out there after I was gasping trying
to tell her I couldn’t breathe. I remember distinctly “I” gasp “can’t” gasp
“bre” gasp “..athe” gasp. But still was told “suck it up and get back out there,
you have 1 minute.” But Thankfully, (and confusingly, how the female coach was
nowhere near understanding,) a male coach who barely knew me but I know well
enough now, a very nice and respectful person, stepped up and calmed me down,
and told me it was ok and that he wouldn’t let it happen again. And He didn’t.
And if you remember who you are, I thank you for saving me that day, and giving
me a little hope that someone was there to protect me, even in the slightest
way. I had no idea what was happening until I started having panic attacks on a
regular basis and learned that’s what that experience actually was, and now I
know how to avoid them as best as I can. Although I still get them, I have
learned to control them to a point. But without that one coach there for me
that day, I have no idea what else I would have been through, or who else may
have hurt me, because no one else stopped it or helped me.
But there was not one camp or competition that I attended under these
organizations, where I ever felt safe, and now I understand why. Because I
wasn’t, nor would I be today if I was still competing. Not only did I not feel
safe, I also felt very judged by these coaches, and very uncomfortable, I felt
like I was alone and being targeted.. well that’s because I pretty much
was.
So my thoughts in this one instance alone
as there are more, of how I was mistreated under the organizations – even
without the sexual abuse; First of all, why was this man hitting me so hard with
constant quadruples (a 4 kick combination where you get kicked 4 times within a
matter of seconds) to the point where I couldn’t move or breath? Second of all,
why was I, a junior girl, full contact fighting (not sparring) a man? Third, why
was it ok for most of the coaches watching it happen to not stop it? Fourth, to
say the least, why did this occur a few days before a huge international
competition?
My point to that training camp story was
first to explain a little about my first experience with an anxiety attack, and
second to explain how not only are our female athletes not safe around
“important” coaches in a sexually abusive way, to also show how unprotected
athletes are, during any time, even during training, with the coaches who get
chosen aboard to “take care of their athletes.” Instead they rape them. And the kicker
is, the organizations know, and they just don’t care. Or maybe they do but they
care about politics more? It seems to be all about those particular coaches who
get to coach the teams, stay as coaches on the teams, and how they can get their
own players on it, all the while of scoping out the girls on the team to see who
they can attack next at a hotel to rape. Which is why they are fighting so hard
to keep their spots, they need the access to these underage, vulnerable female
athletes, who will do anything for their coach and who will be too scared to say
anything after it happens, just like I was manipulated into doing exactly so.
IT’S STILL HAPPENING. THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED. GIRLS ARE BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED
RIGHT NOW, AS WE SPEAK. Someone will probably be abused tonight, and next week,
and next year. These coaches have been here a while, and have no intention of
leaving. Force them to leave, because they forced girls into sexual situations
that make us sick. Fight back, we need to fight back, we need to protect our
girls, and not only our girls, but our boys too. Because boys have been victims
of sexual abuse too, but not only that.. on a different
level..
How is a male athlete even, of any age,
supposed to trust the rapist coach who was provided to them, and they have no
say what so ever. Perhaps the coach hasn’t directly hurt the male athlete, but
perhaps they raped a good friend or even a loving girlfriend of theirs, perhaps
they saw these coaches in weird situations with other minor athletes, perhaps
they hurt a lot of people, rape or no rape, forcing people to stay quiet,
threatening their careers, disappointing them, making females intoxicated to
take advantage of their inability to understand what’s going on, just to be
selfish for their own gain, or simply not protecting an athlete from another
when their being attacked during practice like in my training camp story. “Did
they want me to fail? Do they even care?” That’s the trust I felt for those
coaches whenever I saw them again. It was nonexistent.
So ultimately, Organizations… Why are they
still coaching?! Why can’t I compete again without being raped? Why have a bunch
of my friends quit and stripped of their dreams for the same reason? Why are
your coaches forcefully raping minor athletes? And why aren’t you doing anything
about it since you already know for a fact?!!
Parents and respected coaches, protect your
children and athletes every second of every day, because no one else will. There
is no reason for a coach and an athlete (especially a minor) to be alone, ever.
If a coach is comfortable with that, you may have an issue, (of course not
always, but the awareness for these types of situations also needs to be spread
to those coaches who are good but don’t realize what some things may look like
or may make the athlete feel) because every respectful coach I ever came into
contact with never felt it appropriate to be alone behind closed doors/solid
walls, nor touch the athletes to the extent the predators do when stretching or
demonstrating a movement. Moves can be demonstrated without touching the girl at
all, but most definitely without touching the girl’s hips or butt, they can be
shown by just touching the ankle. But of course the coaches who are predators
won’t take that advice, or see it that way, and will still “cop feels” when
demonstrating with a girl. Why did they pick that girl to demonstrate on or to
help her stretch? Why didn’t they pick a guy? I think the answer is
self-explanatory with these predators. Normal men, wouldn’t want to be caught in
these positions, because even the chance of someone faking an accusation in the
coaches mind should be enough to think about how inappropriate the alone time
may be. My point to this is, if any accusation can come about from either party
without witnesses, the situation is inappropriate. Because no one should be put
in the position of having THE ABILITY to get raped, manipulated, touched,
molested, forced to touch someone else, or get unwillingly intoxicated by
unknown substances or alcohol.
But that’s just my two cents..
and I have more to come. This post has a few main points that I will break off into a few
different directions that I will cover as I continue to post on my blog.. stay
tuned and as always, thanks for reading!
Christina
The examples I reference to in this article are true stories I have been told to from reliable sources, my personal experiences, and first hand from the abused.
I have fought myself back and forth and
asked myself the ultimate question after quitting from training for 14 years,
“Do I still want to fight? Do I still want to make the Olympic Team?”
For the last 5 years, I have been asking
myself so many questions to retrieve the answer to that one question such as,
what is worth it? what would I have to overcome? what would I have to go
through? and who may I have to see or face when competing? Did I really love the
sport? Fighting? Or was that drive taken from me long ago?
My motivation after a while only stemmed
from my coaches. Looking back, I never found myself fighting for me; I was
always fighting for someone else, or to “impress” someone else by winning and
succeeding. Once these coaches gained my subconscious and loyal manipulated
attention and turning it sexual, fighting stopped being about why I started in
the first place. So once I realized that, I realized I truly did love to fight,
and I truly did want to make the Olympic Team, and I would still absolutely love
to. I believe I still could, after the emotions I have overcome so far, and
missing the sport for the right reasons, just because I miss it for me –
realizing I could possibly gain back that initial motivation to fight for myself
and to inspire others.
So what exactly is still standing in my
way? I had thought all of my answers through; particularly to me, what is worth
the Olympic success? I could possibly move forward, but then I realized I had
one more question to ask myself. Who will be my coach and will I be safe from
what already happened to me and have the ability to avoid it from happening
again or worse?
Initially I thought, “ok I can still have
an awesome respectful coach, I have the intuition to know who’s “good” and
“bad.” But oh wait.. what if I make a Team, or The Team. Now what, I don’t get
to bring my own coach that I trust. I am forced to be coached by known rapists.
And not only be coached by them but not have the ability to be protected at any
point in time during a training camp or a competition trip? Who’s to stop a
coach from touching me when sitting next to me on a plane at the least? No one
can see… it’s happened to me before. Why are coaches sitting next to female
minor athletes on the planes? Why are they allowed alone with them in hotel
rooms? AND HOW do they get into these girls personal hotel rooms when they are
unwanted and uninvited, to rape them? So after seeing this for what it really
is, I come to the realization, to continue my dream, I have to be put in the
position of being alone with rapists, who WILL rape me. So no I can’t compete
again, I refused to be raped. Unfortunately, so many girls don’t know this, and
don’t have the protection they need around these coaches, who really need to be
dismembered and in my honest opinion need to be put in jail for the rest of
their lives.
I remember parents and personal coaches
weren’t even allowed to attend Team Training Camp practices when I was going to
them. (Training camps to either make a team or to train with the team you
already made before you all take off to the competition together, almost always
overseas because Team trips are international competitions) I had to call my
coach at the time and parents after a training camp practice once crying (held
before we left for an international competition,) after I had my first anxiety
attack AKA panic attack during a practice, where a senior male athlete beat the
crap out of me and I was only 16 on the junior team and he was on the senior
team and at least 25 years old to my recollection. I didn’t know what was
happening when I couldn’t breathe. This was my first time experiencing an
anxiety attack ever, I thought I was possibly having a heart attack and thought
I was going to suffocate. Keep in mind we were fighting so I had a tied hogu (a
firm chest protector) around me also.
I remember trying to catch my breath,
trying to talk myself into “I’ll live” because I really thought I may have been
dying (for those of you who have ever experienced an anxiety attack (and for the
first time,) I’m sure you can agree obviously we don’t know how to control that
yet because we don’t know what it is at the time, and you can understand the
relation to the situation of confusing an anxiety attack with a heart attack and
suffocation – which of course only makes the attack worse.
I specifically remember the one female
coach coming off the floor where I was trying to be alone to gather my breath
and telling me to suck it up and get back out there after I was gasping trying
to tell her I couldn’t breathe. I remember distinctly “I” gasp “can’t” gasp
“bre” gasp “..athe” gasp. But still was told “suck it up and get back out there,
you have 1 minute.” But Thankfully, (and confusingly, how the female coach was
nowhere near understanding,) a male coach who barely knew me but I know well
enough now, a very nice and respectful person, stepped up and calmed me down,
and told me it was ok and that he wouldn’t let it happen again. And He didn’t.
And if you remember who you are, I thank you for saving me that day, and giving
me a little hope that someone was there to protect me, even in the slightest
way. I had no idea what was happening until I started having panic attacks on a
regular basis and learned that’s what that experience actually was, and now I
know how to avoid them as best as I can. Although I still get them, I have
learned to control them to a point. But without that one coach there for me
that day, I have no idea what else I would have been through, or who else may
have hurt me, because no one else stopped it or helped me.
But there was not one camp or competition that I attended under these
organizations, where I ever felt safe, and now I understand why. Because I
wasn’t, nor would I be today if I was still competing. Not only did I not feel
safe, I also felt very judged by these coaches, and very uncomfortable, I felt
like I was alone and being targeted.. well that’s because I pretty much
was.
So my thoughts in this one instance alone
as there are more, of how I was mistreated under the organizations – even
without the sexual abuse; First of all, why was this man hitting me so hard with
constant quadruples (a 4 kick combination where you get kicked 4 times within a
matter of seconds) to the point where I couldn’t move or breath? Second of all,
why was I, a junior girl, full contact fighting (not sparring) a man? Third, why
was it ok for most of the coaches watching it happen to not stop it? Fourth, to
say the least, why did this occur a few days before a huge international
competition?
My point to that training camp story was
first to explain a little about my first experience with an anxiety attack, and
second to explain how not only are our female athletes not safe around
“important” coaches in a sexually abusive way, to also show how unprotected
athletes are, during any time, even during training, with the coaches who get
chosen aboard to “take care of their athletes.” Instead they rape them. And the kicker
is, the organizations know, and they just don’t care. Or maybe they do but they
care about politics more? It seems to be all about those particular coaches who
get to coach the teams, stay as coaches on the teams, and how they can get their
own players on it, all the while of scoping out the girls on the team to see who
they can attack next at a hotel to rape. Which is why they are fighting so hard
to keep their spots, they need the access to these underage, vulnerable female
athletes, who will do anything for their coach and who will be too scared to say
anything after it happens, just like I was manipulated into doing exactly so.
IT’S STILL HAPPENING. THEY NEED TO BE STOPPED. GIRLS ARE BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED
RIGHT NOW, AS WE SPEAK. Someone will probably be abused tonight, and next week,
and next year. These coaches have been here a while, and have no intention of
leaving. Force them to leave, because they forced girls into sexual situations
that make us sick. Fight back, we need to fight back, we need to protect our
girls, and not only our girls, but our boys too. Because boys have been victims
of sexual abuse too, but not only that.. on a different
level..
How is a male athlete even, of any age,
supposed to trust the rapist coach who was provided to them, and they have no
say what so ever. Perhaps the coach hasn’t directly hurt the male athlete, but
perhaps they raped a good friend or even a loving girlfriend of theirs, perhaps
they saw these coaches in weird situations with other minor athletes, perhaps
they hurt a lot of people, rape or no rape, forcing people to stay quiet,
threatening their careers, disappointing them, making females intoxicated to
take advantage of their inability to understand what’s going on, just to be
selfish for their own gain, or simply not protecting an athlete from another
when their being attacked during practice like in my training camp story. “Did
they want me to fail? Do they even care?” That’s the trust I felt for those
coaches whenever I saw them again. It was nonexistent.
So ultimately, Organizations… Why are they
still coaching?! Why can’t I compete again without being raped? Why have a bunch
of my friends quit and stripped of their dreams for the same reason? Why are
your coaches forcefully raping minor athletes? And why aren’t you doing anything
about it since you already know for a fact?!!
Parents and respected coaches, protect your
children and athletes every second of every day, because no one else will. There
is no reason for a coach and an athlete (especially a minor) to be alone, ever.
If a coach is comfortable with that, you may have an issue, (of course not
always, but the awareness for these types of situations also needs to be spread
to those coaches who are good but don’t realize what some things may look like
or may make the athlete feel) because every respectful coach I ever came into
contact with never felt it appropriate to be alone behind closed doors/solid
walls, nor touch the athletes to the extent the predators do when stretching or
demonstrating a movement. Moves can be demonstrated without touching the girl at
all, but most definitely without touching the girl’s hips or butt, they can be
shown by just touching the ankle. But of course the coaches who are predators
won’t take that advice, or see it that way, and will still “cop feels” when
demonstrating with a girl. Why did they pick that girl to demonstrate on or to
help her stretch? Why didn’t they pick a guy? I think the answer is
self-explanatory with these predators. Normal men, wouldn’t want to be caught in
these positions, because even the chance of someone faking an accusation in the
coaches mind should be enough to think about how inappropriate the alone time
may be. My point to this is, if any accusation can come about from either party
without witnesses, the situation is inappropriate. Because no one should be put
in the position of having THE ABILITY to get raped, manipulated, touched,
molested, forced to touch someone else, or get unwillingly intoxicated by
unknown substances or alcohol.
But that’s just my two cents..
and I have more to come. This post has a few main points that I will break off into a few
different directions that I will cover as I continue to post on my blog.. stay
tuned and as always, thanks for reading!
Christina